Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
