A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize