Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize