I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
