every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
