Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize