Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
