Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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