I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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