I need help removing her.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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