Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
