24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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