but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
