covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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