i permit you to call me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
