I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
