census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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