In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
