WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
