Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
