i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
