Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
