just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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