Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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