I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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