my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize