I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
