my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
