the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
