I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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