if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
