I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
