He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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