i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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