I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
