Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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