There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
