I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
