Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
