defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
