I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
