I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
