I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize