I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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