Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
