He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
