call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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