why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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