Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
