Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
