I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
