I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
