Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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