So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
