The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
