She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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