i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
