I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
