Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So many bounce houses so little time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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