They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
