Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
