i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
