i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
