It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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