I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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